How Grindset Culture, the Patriachy, and Media Are Failing Young Men

In a world saturated with content, it is easy to overlook the cultural messages embedded in what we consume, especially the ones directed at young men. Yet, when we pause to examine the media landscape, a troubling pattern emerges. From viral fitness videos to gripping Netflix dramas, modern portrayals of masculinity often reveal a generation of boys growing up angry, isolated, and emotionally neglected.

One such example is a recent viral video from fitness influencer Ashton Hall, which garnered over 720 million impressions across social media. On the surface, Hall’s content appears to celebrate hard work, discipline, and the aspirational pursuit of physical and financial success. But beneath the veneer of humour and "grindset" motivation lies a darker message: that self-worth is defined not by connection, community, or compassion, but by productivity, dominance, and outward displays of achievement.

At the same time, conversations around Netflix’s hard-hitting drama Adolescence are shining a light on the real-life consequences of this cultural messaging. The show addresses critical issues surrounding toxic masculinity, male youth behaviour, and the rise of gender-based violence. Together, these cultural artefacts reveal a generation of young men growing up emotionally starved, misled, and dangerously alienated.

A Culture of Isolation: The Aspiration of Individual Gains

Hall’s viral success is not accidental; it reflects a wider social trend that celebrates individualism and hyper-competitiveness. Videos like his showcase a narrow ideal of "success": chiselled bodies, financial wealth, and social clout, often devoid of any mention of relationships, community, or emotional well-being. They present life as a zero-sum game, a grind in which connection is a distraction and self-improvement is a solitary battle.

The issue is not the encouragement of ambition or discipline but rather the reduction of life’s purpose to metrics of wealth and physical aesthetics. This model of masculinity leaves little room for vulnerability, empathy, or social responsibility. And crucially, it neglects the structural realities many young men face: economic instability, family breakdown, and the loss of safe, supportive spaces to grow.

Structural Failures and the Vulnerability of Youth

The discussion in Adolescence makes this even more explicit. The podcast accompanying the show explores how societal failures have left many boys emotionally unsupported and increasingly susceptible to toxic influences online. Steven Graham, one of the show's creators, reveals that the story was inspired by real-life news reports of young boys committing violence against girls, reports that prompted him to examine not just the victims’ suffering, but also the circumstances that shaped the perpetrators.

The podcast grapples with uncomfortable truths: the absence of parental guidance due to economic pressures, the vanishing of youth centres and safe community spaces due to austerity, and the ever-present pressures of social media, which often amplify feelings of inadequacy, humiliation, and rage among young people. Figures like Andrew Tate exacerbate these issues by perpetuating toxic masculinity, with their followers adopting a dangerous sense of entitlement over women and relationships.

Both hosts of the podcast expressed surprise at their own empathy for Jamie, the perpetrator character in Adolescence. This empathy stems not from excusing violent behaviour but from recognising how easily a cocktail of insecurity, emotional neglect, and toxic cultural messaging can push young boys toward harmful behaviours.

Father-Son Relationships: Emotional Connection or Emotional Repression?

A crucial thread in Adolescence is the exploration of father-son relationships. In Jamie's case, his relationship with his father plays a significant role in shaping his emotional responses and decisions. The show highlights how father figures often fail to provide emotional guidance or vulnerability, leaving boys to face their struggles alone. This emotional disconnect, compounded by societal expectations of masculinity, reinforces harmful stereotypes that boys must "man up" and suppress their feelings.

The tension between Jamie and his father is palpable throughout the show, reflecting the broader systemic failure in teaching young boys how to process emotions, communicate their struggles, or seek help. This emotional starvation, combined with toxic influences online, sets a dangerous precedent for violent behaviour and deep personal isolation.

The Dangers of Social Media and Gossip: A Cycle of Violence

The plot of Adolescence further complicates our understanding of masculinity through the role of social media and school gossip. Jamie's case becomes a media spectacle, with the focus shifting from the victim, Katie, to Jamie’s actions and the personal details of his life. The toxic effect of this gossip cycle is amplified by social media, where young boys are exposed to extreme narratives around masculinity, power, and dominance.

These pressures push Jamie into a cycle of emotional confusion, as the lines between self-identity and societal expectations blur. The show critiques how young boys, like Jamie, are often left to navigate these pressures without proper guidance or emotional support, creating a fertile ground for toxic ideologies and violent behaviours to take root.

A Cultural Reckoning: The Responsibility of Society

What emerges from both the viral video discourse and the Netflix drama is a clear, urgent need to rethink what society is teaching young men. The pressures they face are not merely individual struggles; they are symptoms of a broader cultural failure. Boys today grow up in a world that demands they succeed but offers little guidance on how to belong, connect, or care.

The hosts of the Adolescence podcast reflect on how their own upbringings, shaped by outdated gender expectations, left them ill-equipped to talk about mental health or emotional needs. They also question why so many young men today lack meaningful platonic friendships with women, and how societal norms continue to reinforce rigid, emotionally repressed versions of masculinity.

Capitalism and the Masculinity Crisis: The Role of Economic Pressures

Underlying the emotional struggles faced by many young men is the societal backdrop of capitalism. In a system that values productivity, wealth accumulation, and individual success, young men are encouraged to measure their worth by their financial success and physical prowess. Capitalism exacerbates these pressures by commodifying almost every aspect of human life, from relationships to self-worth. The result? A generation of young men increasingly disconnected from human connection, fixated on self-interest, and isolated in their pursuit of material success.

This model of masculinity, driven by consumerism and individualism, leaves little room for communal engagement or meaningful emotional exchanges. It tells young men that they are defined by what they can achieve alone, an ethos that plays directly into the hands of toxic influencers who peddle misogyny and hate, offering "red pill" ideologies that promise power and control in a world that feels increasingly uncertain.

The Loneliness Epidemic: A Crisis of Connection

At the core of this masculinity crisis lies a devastating epidemic of loneliness. Young men, driven by the expectations of success and independence, are finding themselves increasingly isolated. Ironically, the very pursuit of individual achievement, so heavily promoted by modern media, often leads to greater disconnection. The rise of online communities such as the "manosphere," where misogyny is rampant, is symptomatic of this loneliness. These spaces offer a sense of belonging, but at a profound cost: young men are taught to direct their anger, frustration, and insecurity outward, often towards women.

However, what’s crucial to recognise is that women are also subjected to many of the same societal pressures, but they do not react by resorting to violence, hate, or misogyny. Women face the same systemic issues of emotional neglect, economic disparity, and societal expectations, yet they are far less likely to turn to harmful ideologies to deal with their struggles. As women, we have had to navigate patriarchy for centuries and continue to fight for rights, equality, and recognition. Feminism’s evolution and women’s fight for equality are not to blame for men’s struggles; the problem lies in how men have been taught to react to these changes.

This is not to say that we should ignore or diminish the loneliness young men are feeling. The challenge lies in how society addresses this loneliness, and how we, as a collective, can create spaces where men can express vulnerability without fear of judgment. But we cannot, and should not, be expected to soften our language or diminish our struggles to placate those who are threatened by feminism and the progress we’ve made.

After all, why should women, who continue to face systemic oppression, have to compromise our voices to cater to men’s fragility? The fact is, many men’s loneliness is of their own making. Misogyny, hatred, and radicalisation only push women further away. What woman would want to be with someone who harbours such bitterness?

Conclusion: The Need for Change

This isn’t an argument against ambition, discipline, or personal success. Nor is it about excusing harmful behaviours. It is about acknowledging the toxic narratives that shape how boys and young men see themselves and the world around them. It is about asking what support structures, cultural messages, and community spaces we are, or aren’t providing.

If we want to reduce violence, improve mental health, and foster healthier, more empathetic young men, the solution is not more hustle content or performative politics. It is meaningful investment in emotional education, safe community spaces, and cultural narratives that celebrate vulnerability as much as strength.

The real "gains" worth striving for are not financial or physical. They are relational built in the messiness of human connection, compassion, and care.